Hyperactive Developmental Nose Picking Disorder (HDNPD)

HDNPD is defined as erratic, high-energy behavior exacerbated by a childhood trauma impacting adult behavior during intense nose picking excavations.

Source: Page 150 of the DSM-IV-FE*

Found the disease you like? Take these steps to get filthy rich!

1. Patent a dangerous chemical as a "treatment" for HDNPD.
2. Invent fictitious trial results that prove the drug is effective in treating HDNPD.
3. Bribe FDA officials into approving the drug as safe for everyone! (Even if it kills people.)
4. Submit to the American Psychiatric Association for inclusion in their DSM-IV (the standard reference guide of psychiatric disorders).
5. Create an emotional TV ad that shows unhappy, confused people being transformed into perfect beings after they take your drug.
6. Issue press releases to mainstream media outlets who will run your propaganda as news with zero skepticism.
7. Bribe doctors with vacations, extravagant meals and "consulting fees" in order to get them to prescribe your drug to as many patients as possible.
8. Buy off politicians and legislators to block alternative medicine and enforce a pharmaceutical monopoly.
9. Sit back and rake in the dough** while Americans go broke buying your drug to treat HDNPD!
10. When the lawsuits roll in from the families of dead patients, simply use a small portion of your windfall profits to settle out of court, admitting no guilt.

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